of something like that
i need you to need me
until we bleed
this is amazing...honest
LOVE
XX
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Wednesday, 27 January 2010
Saturday, 16 January 2010
falling into a casm of...hope?
oooh ja. drop your expectations and lie down ready for a wave of uncertain wonder to break over you...it'll be refreshing and burningly sweet; trust me sweetie.
LOVE
XX
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LOVE
XX
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Friday, 8 January 2010
When everything's looking okay.
Your guard will slip, the numbness will trip and suddenly you'll let everything in. The greys and the darkness. The cold and the hurt.
None of the good things are even visible...you forget what your own face looks like when you're smiling.
The duvet is pulled a little higher over your head. It muffles the screams and blocks out the onsetting doom. You swallow one and then another until the packet is empty. Your vision hazes, your beathing slows, you're feeling tired and you lower your head to the pillow again. You drift and fall, further and further, deeper and deeper. The blackness of uncertainty engulfs you whole. You're swimming but flailing. You're drowning
You wake up far later than you should.
You rub your eyes and focus upon your surroundings. It feels familiar but you're struggling to recognise where you are.
You weren't just sleeping you were in a fucking good forsaken DRUG INDUCED COMA. idiot. and let's remember just why you took those effing pills...TEN of them. You were upset because the boy you liked didn't like you back. THAT IS NO REASON TO EVEN TRY AND HURT YOURSELF...never mind trying to blooming well end it. You took the really easy, lazy, cowardly way. and gave up. Did you even pause for one moment to think what it might be like, how HORRIBLE it would be for your mum to find you?! you selfish cow!!
Don't you DARE THINK of ever doing something so idiotic again, capiche??!
Just think how good things are now, just...four...Four? months on. Things are going well. You almost wrecked all of that. you almost through it away. don't EVER do it again.
alright, now that's over, i'm glad you pulled through. there's first few weeks were TOUGH. Especially since you saw him every day. and he was ALWAYS saying those things that just made you fell so...i dunno...like you were flying?! it felt great...and real which is why it hurt so much more when he turned out to be FAKE.
right, hush now, don't get your temper up 'n' focus on the good stuffs 'n' rock 'n' roll. oh and 62 calories sucks, go get some real food in you foooool. it's way past lunch time. eejit. xD
aurevoir then sweetie.
XX
__
None of the good things are even visible...you forget what your own face looks like when you're smiling.
The duvet is pulled a little higher over your head. It muffles the screams and blocks out the onsetting doom. You swallow one and then another until the packet is empty. Your vision hazes, your beathing slows, you're feeling tired and you lower your head to the pillow again. You drift and fall, further and further, deeper and deeper. The blackness of uncertainty engulfs you whole. You're swimming but flailing. You're drowning
You wake up far later than you should.
You rub your eyes and focus upon your surroundings. It feels familiar but you're struggling to recognise where you are.
You weren't just sleeping you were in a fucking good forsaken DRUG INDUCED COMA. idiot. and let's remember just why you took those effing pills...TEN of them. You were upset because the boy you liked didn't like you back. THAT IS NO REASON TO EVEN TRY AND HURT YOURSELF...never mind trying to blooming well end it. You took the really easy, lazy, cowardly way. and gave up. Did you even pause for one moment to think what it might be like, how HORRIBLE it would be for your mum to find you?! you selfish cow!!
Don't you DARE THINK of ever doing something so idiotic again, capiche??!
Just think how good things are now, just...four...Four? months on. Things are going well. You almost wrecked all of that. you almost through it away. don't EVER do it again.
alright, now that's over, i'm glad you pulled through. there's first few weeks were TOUGH. Especially since you saw him every day. and he was ALWAYS saying those things that just made you fell so...i dunno...like you were flying?! it felt great...and real which is why it hurt so much more when he turned out to be FAKE.
right, hush now, don't get your temper up 'n' focus on the good stuffs 'n' rock 'n' roll. oh and 62 calories sucks, go get some real food in you foooool. it's way past lunch time. eejit. xD
aurevoir then sweetie.
XX
__
Monday, 28 December 2009
if you cut me and i don't bleed. i'm sorry. i didn't mean to, you know? i'm sorry. I'm still me below the bruises and scorn. trust me. you have no reason to but if you don't then you won't ever know or find it or understand but i doubt you'd even mind it. i'm sorry. for my mistakes and my success, for everything. i'll tie it up. wind it all up inside. into a small ball. each thread that's been dipped into the mixer. all so fragile. i'll tie them up and they won't bother you again. i'll it inside. i'll fold myself up and tidy it all away. all the mess and messed up madness i've made. all of it. i'll make it better. i promise. i'm sorry. i used to know you so well. maybe i never knew you at all. i think i'll find myself lost in my own home's sordid sanctuary. but what do i know? when the world itself disagrees with my existence, where should i go and what, WHAT do i know? take it all away and i'll stay. i can only blame myself and i'm sorry. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. I CAN'T DO THIS. OKAY?! I'M SORRY.
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
I hate how quickly time goes by
i went to see my old school from year six and all of my teachers and stuff and it was nice but i sort of felt like crying beacuse everything's changed so much! some change is good but life's running circles around me and it's hard to keep up. but everything hard is worthwhile you know!
love you, really I do
XX
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love you, really I do
XX
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